Erin Spatz

Something happened to me last week that has never, ever happened to me. Ever. Truthfully I am still not over it. I feel terrible about it. A lot of weird things happen to you when you become a parent. And you say things you thought you would never say.

I thought I would never open snacks in the grocery store to quiet kids while I shopped. I have opened snacks. I thought I’d never say, “Because I said so.” I’ve said that. The only thing I committed to never saying and have stuck to is, “we can’t have nice things.” I swore I would never say that because my mom said it, and it would hurt my feelings. It’s fine. I’m in therapy.

I laid down with Hank to watch his beloved Pink Panther, yes the one from the seventies. It’s so weird but he loves it. I had big plans for naptime. Typically Hank only wants to watch that bonkers show when he is sleepy. So I knew I was about to witness a rare event in which both toddlers were asleep at the same time. I was going to take time to do some laundry, get in a bit of writing, prep dinner and start some laundry. I was about to get my productivity on!

Except, I fell asleep. Not just a little, but the kind of sleep that involves sweating, drooling, forgetting what day and time it is, asleep. You are probably thinking, “Oh good for her she got a nap.” Which I would normally appreciate, but y’all that hard sleep left some victims in its wake.

I slept through approximately 18 phone calls from Eric, 10 from Autumn. I slept through school car pool. Eric even had Dylan, our eldest son who was at work call me, and he wanted him to come home and check on me. Eric told Dylan to check on me, but if he saw blood to stop looking! Y’all, Eric thought we were about to be on an episode of 48 hours mysteries!

Eric even contemplated a police department wellness check. He thought I’d been kidnapped or was dead. Which, just for the record, I am way too into true crime television to ever be kidnapped. I know the latest kidnapping tricks and I’m on to the bad guys.

I slept through getting Waylon out of his crib and putting him into bed with me. It was a hard, deep, bear-like hibernation! When I woke up I was shocked to see him. For a hot second I thought “Awe man, he climbs out of his crib now?” Nope. At some point he woke up, I went and got him, tucked him in next to me and we kept on sleeping. I napped for basically forever, or two and a half hours. Same thing.

My phone was under my pillow. Not to far from my ear, but I just kept on snoozing. Eric was right to be worried. I always answer my phone or at least text a response. Always. I have never forgotten or not picked up one of our kids. I might be late, but I am coming!

Not only did I feel guilty for making everyone worry and missing school pick up, I felt terrible for not getting my to do list done. I had missed that magical window of naptime. Oh I was so mad! I wasted a perfectly good naptime to cause fear and panic by doing nothing but falling a sleep like a big ole sloth. And I didn’t even make it on an episode of 48 hours!

It was the literal definition of a loose, loose situation.

I mean obviously I needed a nap but that is not the point. Be sure to check on your mom friends. Some of us are sleep deprived.

Erin Spatz lives in Pawleys Island and is the author of the book, “Who Left Me In Charge.”