Well my vacation’s over

  • Friday, July 11, 2014

I guess it’s time for me to get back to work. Last week I let my deadline slip up on me, forgot I needed to get it in a little early for the Fourth.

But the week before, well I guess it’s my fault too, but there were extenuating circumstances. When you write something, be it for pleasure or for a purpose, several things come into play.

First, you have to have a subject, which in it’s self can be a little daunting. But even when you have a subject, well let’s just say you’ve got to be able to go into a zone.

A zone where no outside forces can enter in that might cause you to lose focus. That’s the plan anyway, but week before last, my universe turned upside down, and let’s just say, sitting with a computer on my lap, well that was the furthest from my mind.

I guess it really started a couple of months ago, we were at the Friday meeting at Newton’s Country Store, gathered around the grill while Raymond BBQ-ed the chicken for the day’s menu.

There’s usually seven or eight of us standing round, and before long we had been through the normal topics of conversation; football, fishing, and shrimping.

When one of the guys brought up a subject that, to be honest, caught me by surprise; “Any of y’all had your colonoscopy yet?”

Now you’re talking about a conversation stopper!

Suffice to say, this was not on our usual Friday morning conversation list. But I took two things away from it, one; cancer down there is pretty bad, and men over 50 need to get a colonoscopy.

And being I’m on the backside of the fifties I was past due. So I figured I better sign up for one.

Well they set it up alright, for a Wednesday, which if you’ve read my rambling enough you know that’s the day I usually write.

So I figured I’d just write on Tuesday that week. But for some reason they kept calling that “Prep Day,” sounded like a holiday or something, oh yeah, there were some fireworks alright.

And it all started with a little white jug.

Now when I decided to write about this “moving” situation I lived through, Mel told me to be very careful, be nice! So hear goes: in order to have the procedure I needed to be, as they put it, cleaned out.

And also, I could have anything I wanted to eat the next day as long as it was tea, water and broth, nothing solid; I was getting hungry just thinking about it.

That is till I saw “The Jug.” You empty two packets of powder into it then fill with water, then it’s “party time’. After the first swallow I knew I wouldn’t be writing on Tuesday either!

Well the jug is split in four parts, one part every fifteen minutes. It’s in these in between times I would advise you to go find a good piece of rope or an old seat belt, because you gonna need them. Then, after you have experienced decompression in your brain and lost every thing you have eaten in the last 15 years, you realize later on this evening you’ve got to do it again. This was just the morning session. Visualize a rope with a knot in it.

Then come the next morning is the test, which really isn’t bad. They give you something to relax you, wheel you into the exam room, and the next thing you know you are waking up back in your room.

I was given a clean bill for 10 years, but if I had a problem, they might have caught it in time, which is the whole idea behind it.

So if you’re over 50, you might want to think about it. Or you might be thinking about the alternative.

Anyway, by the time I got home Wednesday morning, with that stuff they gave me to relax and that nap I took when I got home, I forgot all about a column.

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