Column: Mel keeps pointing the remote at me

  • Friday, June 13, 2014

I had to call Mel the other day at work, I try not to unless I have to, and I couldn’t hear her. Oh I could hear words, but I didn’t have a clue what she was saying.

Finally I said is something wrong, ‘No, I’m just using my inside voice.’ Is there such a thing called an “outside” voice? Well I guess my phone was turned down a little too much, so I turned it up a little.

But that got me to thinking, what is this thing about an inside voice I keep hearing about? Do we have a volume control device everybody has now that I didn’t know about?

The only person I know of that lowered his voice much was Clint Eastwood, and the lower his voice goes, the worse the butt cutting the bad guy is gonna get.

If I had told my Momma to how about use her ‘inside voice,” lets just say things would have got real interesting around the Bruce household. But hey, she raised three rambunctious boys!

Once, a buddy of mine told me that Momma scared him to death. We were out in the yard playing football, and she stuck her head out the door and yelled ‘Aw right supper,” he said the hair stood out on the back of his head.

He didn’t know what else to do, but he was getting out of there. But to us it was just suppertime.

Many years later, when the grandkids were in the yard, we were all over for supper, and threw a glass window she hollered, “Alright y’all, cut that out.”

The grandkids froze, and to be honest so did the rest of us. Joby said it best, “I’m having a flashback!”

Mel says I’m just as bad. She told me one time I learned how to whisper in a sawmill.

Which is true, if you think about it? Anybody that has ever been around heavy equipment much doesn’t really have an inside voice. They have a motor on/motor off voice.

Cause if you don’t, all your going to see is a guys lips moving. And that can be a little unsettling, if he’s trying to tell you a 2x4 is headed for your head.

But the problem is, you got to come home. The kids grew up with it, and they never really paid me any attention.

But every now and then Mel would get on me and say ‘Why are you talking so loud, I’m right here.”

Once Momma came over and told me, I was talking so loud I would scare the kids, but they just looked at her like what’s your point Grandma, he always talks like that. “That is his inside voice.”

But you know how things always turn around to bite you, well since they put me out to pasture; I guess they finally turned down the volume on me. Now it’s their turn.

I’m not deaf, but I can’t hear nothing. They can be all ganged up in the kitchen just a jabbering away, and when I ask what y’all talking about, all I hear is “Nothing.”

Now I know I heard something, so it can’t be nothing, but I can’t quite make it out. Or either they will all three get scattered out all around me, just as the good part on NCIS is coming on, and I will hear “Robbin, Daddy!”


“We been talking to you for five minutes, have you heard a word we said?”

Momma called it going in to orbit, which is what Daddy did a lot when she was talking to him.

But hey, at least we are still talking to each other, sometimes. Mel caught me and Katie texting each other the other day, I was in the den, and she was in her room.

Mel was fussing at us about it, but at least we weren’t yelling back and forth, like we usually do.

We were using our “inside voice.”

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