The Sherlock of Spatz manor searches for missing items

  • Wednesday, May 14, 2014

A while back I decided to add an amendment to the wife/mommy contract. As the wife/mommy, it is my right to add or change things as I see fit, or as they get on my nerves. Usually those things happen together. This amendment was, if I send you to find something and you canít and then I have to find it, I have the right to bonk you on the head with the missing item. If itís a shoe you canít find and I find it, bonking wonít be so bad, but if you canít find an anvil, well that bonking may not turn out so good.

The kids think that it is very annoying when I say that to them, but I also think its very frustrating to be the only person in this whole house who can find anything. I am the Sherlock of Spatz manor. It seems that I am the only one able to find toothbrushes, ketchup, shoes, socks or missing phone chargers. Clearly, I am supposed to keep track of everyoneís everything.

But what am I supposed to do when I am missing something? Who is going to find something I lost?

For the last two years I have known exactly where a photo was that I was planning to use for the cover of my book. A photo that I have loved that depicts my family perfectly. A photo by my favorite, Meghan Whitney. I have also known exactly when I was going to need that photo. I need that photo this month. And would you like to guess what I cannot find? That photo! Literally, without a bit of over exaggeration I have opened my desk drawer and looked at that photo every day. Time to turn that photo in, and itís gone.

I have looked in every drawer, cabinet and under things. In the kitchen and bathrooms. All the kidsí bedrooms and playroom have been checked. China cabinet has been pilfered. I asked my mom and I asked my mother-in-law, who is a solid 12 hours away.

To say that I am frustrated would be a misuse of the word. I am without a description as to how flustered this is making me. Webster, bless his word loviní heart doesnít even have a word to describe my feelings. I am too upset to even make up a word. I am only using hand gestures at this point. Some of the gestures are not nice. And some are the typical hands in the air ďare you joking?Ē gestures. If I am the finder of all lost things in this house, who is going to find what I have lost?

All hope is not lost. I continue to search and will plunder Ericís office this week. Who knows whatís lurking in that office? I pray a miracle will occur and it will appear.

I want to find this photo so badly that I will happily let someone bonk me on the head with it if they find it.

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