Wednesday, May 7, 2014
So maybe I thought that once my kids were a little bit older, they would stop bothering me in the bathroom.
When you have babies and toddlers, you potty with the door open, or you lock them in the bathroom with you. The problem with the “open door” policy is, no matter how hard you try to be quick or even be alone, you are followed. Not one of your kids could care less where you are or what you are doing, until you head to the bathroom. The speed at which a baby or toddler can follow your trail is crazy. It’s kid GPS. Then it’s like they are trying to spill the CIA’s secrets with you. Because the urgency in which they are trying to tell you whatever is on their little minds, is like rapid fire information. They are about to be caught and if they don’t spill it now, national secruity will be in peril.
As the kids got older, there was less trying to follow me into the bathroom, and more trying to talk to me through the crack in the door. Also, a few lock-pickers who felt like their plight was bad enough to warrant a break in. I have been known to hide in the bathroom for a “mommy time out” and have been caught in the act of just sitting, on the bathroom on the floor, with a glass of wine. No one would know this secret if the lock-picking kids would stay out. We have now reached a new stage of bathroom interruptions and they are ridiculous. I can walk out of the kitchen and head towards my bathroom while my four sweet angel ducklings are quietly getting along; doing homework, reading, playing and watching TV. But, I close that bathroom door and it’s like the kids have multiplied from four to forty, and the volume goes from quiet chatting to full-on screaming. They are threatening each other with bodily harm, chasing each other, slamming into the bathroom door, banging on the door and yelling “save me!” Kids are crying, kids are wailing, dogs are barking – chaos! Names are being hurled with such venom, that the thought crosses my mind that my kids have been over taken by nasty aliens. Once I am out of the bathroom, I am greeted by four red faced kids, all blaming everyone else. It then takes me 20 minutes to restore order and dole out punishments.
All so I can have three minutes alone in the bathroom. It hardly seems worth it.