No that’s not a salad you smell, I just washed my hands

  • Friday, March 21, 2014

To be honest, Iím confused. Now I know it doesnít take much to do that, but in the last few years, itís getting worse. But when itís something as simple as washing my hands, thatís getting bad. Here lately, when Iím washing my hands, washing dishes, or even washing clothes, it seems as if Iím walking in a rain forest. Itís either tangerine, watermelon, or some fruity smell I havenít got a clue about. Years ago you washed your hands and you didnít smell anything but clean, thatís it. But now you walk around smelling like a fruit tree. When did we become a society that likes to smell like a lemon tree?

When we were growing up Mom bought Zest, period. Every now and then a bar of Dial would show up, but before you knew it, Zest would be back in the bathtub. Zest even had a slogan that made you feel if you werenít using it you were wrong. ďZest, leaves you feeling cleaner than soap.Ē Talk about your subliminal messages, that one worked. The only other kind we had around the house was Lava soap, and that was for the tough jobs on your hands, it would take the hide off anything else. For those of you that have never used Lava, it was soap that felt like it had sand mixed in it. It didnít clean; it just sorta scraped the dirt off.

But the more civilized we got the more I guess we want to smell better, clean doesnít get it anymore. Mel, like a lot of people, likes to go to what I call the smelly soap store. And now instead of having a bar of soap by the sink, we have a little pump jar of soap, that smells like a watermelon patch, a lemon tree, or some smell that makes me hungry. And after washing my hands, Iím just wondering if Iím going to need to go take a Benadryl.

And itís not just soap, nope; I have the same problem with shampoo too! When we were growing up we had two kinds of shampoo around the house, Momís and the one for the rest of us. With three boys, she just wanted us clean, and what ever was on sale, that was good enough. And then I got married, thatís when the problems started. What was once just Momís shampoo became ďOursĒ. But the thing was Mom just had one bottle, now there were two or three.

I was use to getting in the shower and knowing what it was just by what the bottle looked like. But NOW I had to read, which is kinda hard when you donít wear your glasses in the shower. Here I am under the shower head with water running in my eyes, with the feeling Iím trying to read an eye chart. I even tried just counting the letters one time, because I know shampoo has fewer letters than conditioner. Even that didnít work, between the water and those itty bitty letters; I couldnít tell how many letters I was looking at! And you know me; once or twice I washed my hair in conditioner, and left the shampoo on so I would have nice shinny hair.

But then came the day I finally put my foot down, enough was enough. I grabbed the shampoo bottle, and something didnít seem right. The bottle didnít feel right, and when I poured some in my hand, honestly, it didnít smell right either. But I figured it was just a new kind Mel had picked up, but the warning bells were going of in my brain. About the time I was going to slap it on my head Mel came in the bathroom so I asked her, is this a new brand you got in this pink bottle. All I heard next was STOP, DONíT PUT THAT ON YOUR HEAD! Turns out it was something called Nair? Now these days it really wouldnít have bothered me all that much, but back then, I did have hair, so it might have been a problem. A big problem!!

But I guess Iíve finally come to an age where this kinda stuff doesnít bother me much any more. As long as they donít mess with my chair, the remote or the TV, whatever makes them happy, thatís fine with me. And if you see me coming next you, and you smell a lemon tree, donít worry about it:

Melís just got a new shampoo.

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