Visits with the square of shame

  • Wednesday, January 22, 2014

I said I would never buy another one again. Well, never say never...

I caved and I bought a self-esteem crusher. I mean an ego killer. No, itís bubble buster. Thatís not right, itís a square of shame. Ugh! No, I bought a scale, yes a scale.

The last time I had one, Chandler was a baby. I bought it because she was so skinny that I weighed her all the time to make sure she was gaining weight. Sometimes, I even snuck her onto the produce scale at the grocery store. Never underestimate the power of a motherís worry, or guilt for that matter.

But Chandler is now five and while she is still skinny, I worry less about it. So this square of shame is for me. Clearly I am a glutton for punishment and thanks to the power of two day shipping, my punishment came swiftly. I opened the box and decided not to weigh myself right then. I waited until first thing in the morning, because you are taller and weigh less in the morning. So, they say...

Well I exhaled, thinking in an effort to weigh less you should let all your air out. Technically I know this is not true but it makes me feel better. And then the shame hit me. It hit with a number so scary that I actually screamed. I got off the square of shame and got back on just to double check. This deliverer of doom said I had gained 20 pounds in a year. Thatís ridiculous.

I suddenly realized why having one of these evil doers in my home was a really bad idea.

To give you an idea of how bad a 20 pound weight gain is, a tire weighs 20 pounds. A propane tank weighs 20 pounds. People, I have gained 80 sticks of butter. Am I the only one freaking out? Sadly, I am pretty sure I actually ate the 80 sticks of butter.

I am under no illusions that I have some sort of medical weight issues. Nope, I ate all 20 pounds. Because truthfully my hobby is eating. I would happily eat my way through a town. Every place I have ever visited, I can name the best place to eat. If the first three ingredients are sour cream, mayonnaise or butter, I already love it. Itís an added bonus if there is bacon and cream cheese.

Since I ate every pound, I will have to work off every pound, which means more visits with the square of shame. Someday, I may like the square when it starts delivering better news.

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