Tuesday, November 5, 2013
I have always heard of so-called “Super Glue” but had no first-hand experience with it until recently. I now have a profound respect for the product's effectiveness. I can even conceive of how the glue could improve political life in a number of ways. We all know people, especially some politicians, whose lips we would like to glue shut.
But back to my experience with this Godzilla adhesive. The inside handle strap had come loose from the door of my automobile. I tried several ways to reattach it but nothing worked. Then, I remembered that I had purchased a package of five small tubes of a product called “Superglue” and I decided to give it a try. It worked!
However, when I tried to separate my fingers, onto which a small portion of the glue had found its way, they were stuck together. I thought, “Well, this is no problem,” but the harder I tried to separate them the more they stuck in place, side-by-side. I tried rubbing alcohol, turpentine and paint thinner but to no avail. I finally pried each finger apart, inch-by-inch with a wooden dowel. But some of the gunky stuff was left on my now separated fingers. I didn't learn until later that acetone, found in many fingernail polish removers, is about the only answer for super-glued fingers. I resorted to a fine-grit sandpaper to remove the remaining residue from my digits. It was several days before the rest of the glue finally wore off.
Believe me, folks, the stuff really works!
Just ask the college student whose fraternity brothers smeared Super Glue on his toilet seat. Can you imagine a visit to the Emergency Room with a commode lid attached to your posterior?
Which reminds me of the ordeal of an uncle of mine who lived over in Anderson. He was a smoker as were most adults fifty years ago in the Southland. As a two-pack-a-day smoker, he even smoked while doing the most mundane of things — including using the toilet.
According to my aunt, who never lied, he came home from work one day shortly after painters had finished painting the bathroom. Unbeknownst to him, they had poured their left-over, flammable lacquer thinner into the commode without flushing it. As my uncle sat, he flicked cigarette ashes into the bowl. Well, you know what happened — a small but explosive fire ensued. The “end” result was Uncle Walt vowed never again to smoke anywhere near the toilet.
Super Glue was discovered by accident during WWII when British scientists were working with new compounds to improve gun sights and came upon the miracle concoction which was ultimately trademarked as “Superglue.”
Nothing was done to utilize the substance until it was rediscovered again in the 1950s. In the second revelation, entrepreneurs realized the commercial adaptations and “Superglue” was reborn and became available to consumers around the world.
Along with all of the helpful uses of the substance, there have been corresponding mishaps. A woman in New Jersey reached for her eye drops and picked up a bottle of Super Glue by mistake. It took a trip to the ER to pry her eyelids apart.
Another woman in the state of Washington was bathing her dog when one of its little ears floated away. It seems a groomer, earlier in the day, had cut the pooch's ear off by mistake while trimming the little doggie. The groomer had tried to glue the ear back on, and it held temporarily until the bath water loosened the sticky stuff.
In another mishap, an illegal, immigrant alien Super-glued himself to his legal-resident girlfriend because the immigration officials were coming to deport him. After a quick trip to the ER, the illegal was on a plane headed back to his country of origin.
I can't give the complete details in a family newspaper but one irate wife found a horrible way to avenge her errant husband's wandering and lustful ways. He will never forget THAT trip to the emergency room.
One chap in England decided to give up on the socialized medical system in his homeland by solving his immediate problem with Super Glue. His tooth cap had come off, but he was unable to see a dentist in his negotiation of the country's socialized medical system. It was going to take months before he could be seen by a dentist. He took matters into his own hands by Super-gluing his dental cap back in place. “You can't really taste it but you do have to be careful not to use too much, in case you glue your mouth shut,” he opined.
So much for Socialized Medicine but perhaps we have stumbled upon a possible solution for the circus going on in Washington.
Now, if we can figure out a way to get a drop or two on the lips of most politicians, it could result in a better world.
Just think: no more useless Congressional hearings; no more childish political posturing; no more slamming political opponents; no meaningless bantering, no whining and best of all — just plain Silence!
Sounds like a good plan to me!
John Brock is a retired professor and newspaper editor/publisher who lives in Georgetown County. He can be reached by mail at this newspaper or via Email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Opinions that appear on this page in Letters to the Editor or in columns do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this newspaper.