Thursday, September 26, 2013
I have always known that I wanted four kids, at least. Eric never said how many he wanted, or if he did I didn't hear him.
I am certain that my time of child-bearing is over, unless God proves He is far funnier than earlier imagined.
I loved having my babies. I loved prenatal appointments and oddly enough I even loved labor and delivery.
It was some of the most fun I have ever had.
And squishy babies with their sweet breath, well, who doesn't love that?
But, even after four babies and in the midst of raising them I can't shake the feeling that we are missing someone.
I was certain that I wanted to have four kids, but I have always been just as certain that Eric and I would adopt.
My true heart's desire would be to adopt a sibling group. There are days when the four I have are about to overwhelm me and take me down.
And I think I am all out of answers for the million questions the kids are asking me and I have no idea how I am going to make successful adults out of them.
And, that I am the only one willing to say I am not doing a good job.
But I am trying my best and praying like crazy.
Even with all that I still hold out hope that the one or two that we are missing are somehow on their way.
And, just as I believe with everything I am, that God called me to be the mother of four amazing Spatz kids, I don't believe God has called any child to be without a family.
I know full well that we are not a perfect bunch, nor do I by any stretch of the imagination have motherhood figured out.
And even knowing that I probably fail my children in some way everyday, they know they are loved, wanted and are accepted for who they are and who they will become.
Our hearts have more room in them to offer love and acceptance to someone who has yet to feel those gifts.
Because, in the end those gifts change lives.
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