Robbin Bruce: These are the days that try men's souls

  • Thursday, February 28, 2013

A couple months ago I was given a good piece of advice, well maybe it wasn’t advice, more a commandment from on high, “Sit there and keep my mouth shut.” Okay, maybe it wasn’t “On High”, it was more like the three ladies of my house were standing up and I was sitting in my chair. But I took them at their word, if they want my advice they will either give me my opinion or they will tell me what’s wrong with what ever I tell them. It seems like my house is in a swirl of activity, and me, I’m just watching the tornado. I can tell you the exact moment the storm hit, almost to the minute, it was December the 15th, at the BBQ, and a guy got down on one knee and asked my daughter to marry him. And at that exact moment I could almost hear that guy from Wrestling say, Are you ready to Rumble?”.
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing anymore than what is going on around any other household where a daughter is getting married this summer. The only difference is it’s at my house!
First it was the dress, oh the dress. For close to a month, there were wedding dress catalogs, wedding dress web sites, and wedding dress trips. Remember me telling you about “My Opinion”, well they would hold up a picture of a dress, “You like this one?” Yeah, then they would say, “I don’t’, well why did they ask me? Then they would show me one, I wouldn’t like it, “But I love this one.” Then it was I don’t like the top, but I like the train, or I don’t like the train but, I like the top. Or the veil is too long or too short, or not thick enough, or too thin. Or the top was just right, the wire mesh {I don’t know what you call it} was too, too something or another, I finally just zoned out.
Then came the other dresses, you know the bridesmaid and mother’s dress, that’s the one they really fooled me on. Seems like they were going to the mall to look at them. “You want to go?” You did say the mall right, which was my first mistake; the second was getting in the car. Here we are, arriving at the mall, and riding right past it. Seems like they left out one itty bitty bit of information, while it was technically at the mall, this store was actually about a quarter mile away from the actual mall. “You can walk over there if you want to.” If you know me at all you know that’s not happening.
So here I am in a wedding dress store, me and twenty or thirty women, and not another guy in sight. And every time I would find a place to hide, that would be the exact spot five or ten of them would have to look at something. All with the same look on their face, “What are YOU doing in here?” After about the third or fourth “Can I help you?”, I think somebody finally got the message, I’m just the guy toting the checkbook. Leastways I hope they thought that, seeing how Mel had it in her pocketbook.
Then the day came when they started talking about something I could relate too, the food! I know it was foolish, but I couldn’t help myself: “Y’all want me to cook a purlow, I’ll get a couple jars of pickles, some light bread, what da ya think?” For a minute there I thought my chair was going to swallow me whole, or from the looks on their faces, I was kind of hoping it would. I thought about mentioning BBQ chicken, but after mentioning the purlow, I was afraid I wouldn’t be around to cook it much less making the wedding.
But this week it’s the invitations, they are doing this project one week at a time. I didn’t know there was that many ways to ask somebody to come to a wedding. I thought about mentioning me calling everybody and saying, “Hey y’all want to come to a wedding?”, but after the purlow debacle, I’ve taken to keeping my mouth shut.
Good thing is they have a ways to go yet, but bad news is I’ll probably stick my foot in my mouth again. But then again …
I can’t help myself.

You can reach Robbin Bruce by e-mail at robbinbruce@yahoo.com.

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