Robbin Bruce: Hey, psst, that guy's crazy

  • Thursday, May 23, 2013

I’m going to come out and flat say it, I hate snakes. Now I know that might not be politically correct, but I was raised in the country. To us, snakes aren’t something you see in a zoo in a glass cage and go ooh, aah over. Country folks find them every where, under the lawn mower, around bricks, in the flower pots, just about any cool spots you can find. A couple weeks ago Boog and a friend of his killed a cotton mouth, and being kids, they had to post it on Face Book, and time I saw it, it made my skin crawl. But they killed it at our fishing hole, so at least I won’t have to worry about that one next time I go fishing.
Because you know there is nothing that will ruin a fishing trip like walking up on a water moccasin. I heard one time that they are as scared of you as you are of them, I kind of doubt that. I never heard of a snake dying of a heart attack, have you?
I remember the first time I took Jessie fishing; we were standing in some weeds, when I happen to look down. Now you have to get this picture in your head, there she is in her shorts and those strap tenny shoes, with a hair bow, all pink and pretty, I don’t know why Mel had to dress her up to go fishing? Then I happen to look down, right there n the top of those tenny shoes is a green snake just passing by. Now he wouldn’t have hurt her, but I doubt I could have caught her if she had seen it. So I just stood there and watched it crawl by, and a few minutes later she caught her first fish. But I believe that was the longest couple minutes of my life! I finally told her a couple years later, and it didn’t even faze her, me I still get the shakes!

But they can be any where, about a year after we got Doc; he got bit, right in our back yard. Mel was walking one evening right after dark, when all of a sudden he started yelping, and limping like something was wrong with his paw. Well when we got him back in the house, I could tell something had gotten him, so we wound up taking him to a vet, who figured it might have been a water moccasin. The thing is, he must have saw it, Mel didn’t, and he went after it to protect her. He was a sick puppy for a few days, but I never did find that snake, though I do have a bullet with his name on it.

I know one time when we were at Momma’s, a five-foot rattler crawled out of the bushes, let’s just say it got real exciting around D.C.’s. So I grabbed a shot gun, one was yelling he’s over here, one was yelling he’s over here, so I just blew several holes in her azaleas. One minute she was mad because I shot her azaleas, the next she was so happy for me killing the snake, you can’t win for losing.

But my best snake story happened not too long after me and Mel got married. We were living in an old trailer that had a few air holes in it. Well time we walked in the door from church one Sunday, I heard Mel start screaming. Well there was a snake, crawling down the hall. So I ran out side, grabbed a hoe, and threw the snake out into the yard. Not sure what kind he was, and not really caring, if he came in once, he probably would again, I blew his head off. But that’s not the funny part.

My next door neighbor heard all this commotion going on over at the Bruce house. Well his wife yelled at her husband, “Run over there and check on them, sounds like he’s hurting her.” About that time the shotgun went off, “Well, ain’t no need to get in a hurry now, he’s done shot her.” Now before you get all PC on me, we were good friends, he knew nothing was going on, but he knew SOMETHING, was going on. So a few minutes later he yelled over, “Hey Robbin, what’s going on?” I answered, “Killed a snake, if I didn’t shoot it, Mel was going to shoot me!”

But I’ve got to admit, I really haven’t ever seen all that many around the house through the years. Maybe the word got round to the other snakes, stay away from that guy’s house.
“He’ll blow your head off,” it’s a nice thought anyway.

You can reach Robbin Bruce by e-mail at robbinbruce@yahoo.com.

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